Grieving

Today's blog is not about coupons or saving money.  It's not about the menu or how to grow a garden.  Today is just a day to talk.

Some of you know that my 92 year old Grandmother fell and broke her hip Saturday night/Sunday morning.  They had to perform two surgeries on her Sunday evening.  The first was to remove and then replace a rod that was in her leg from a break several years ago.  The second surgery was on her hip. We were greatly concerned about her being able to handle the surgery at all..not because of her health but just her age.  Her health, as a matter of fact, is excellent.  She's the only 92 year old I know that takes NO medication!

She did make it through the surgery and has since been in ICU.  They had trouble stabilizing her blood pressure and managing her pain yesterday.  This morning I have found out that they are giving her morphine every 2 hours to manage the pain.  They are trying to reduce the medicine that is keeping her blood pressure stable to see if it will regulate it's self.

I cannot go see her because she is 5 hours away and my son has the flu.  I have no way to leave him here and go on my own.  I would still wonder if I would carry flu germs to her just because I have been the one caring for my son.

Regrets?  No.  I have had a wonderful relationship with my Grandmother.  As a teen we wrote letters back and forth.  As an adult we have spent hours and hours talking and visiting.  As she aged and her memory declined, I spent time with her as much as possible. When the decision was made to place her in nursing home I thought my heart would break but I saw that is was best.   I have visited her there often and so have my children.

I will cherish forever the last time that I saw her.  We took food and had a birthday party for her.  My youngest son was able to go with me.  As was our custom, we had prayer together.  My Aunt asked Grandmother if she would pray for Blake.  Grandmother laid her hand on his head and prayed a prayer of blessing upon him.  This, to me, is priceless.

I know she is not gone yet.  God may still choose to heal her but I am trying to prepare myself if he chooses not to.  I know she will be better off in heaven.  There is no doubt in anyone's mind that that is where she will be. Even now in her semi-conscious state she can be heard praying.  No, I don't doubt where she will be.  I just don't know how to go through this grieving process.  I'm hoping that writing about it will help.  How do you grieve for someone that has meant so much?  How do you let them go?  I'm not sure but I am trying.  I want what's best for her.  She deserves the best!