No, I am not ready to continue yet. I keep looking at my "deal" emails and I cannot seem to make myself read to the bottom. I threw my sales papers away without even looking at them. My coupons lay unopened, uncut, and uncared for. No, I am not ready to continue with "life" yet.
I will tell you the truth. I woke up this morning and saw the headlines about the earthquake in Chili. My first reaction was "God, you are coming soon". He is trying to warn us to be ready. Are we listening? My second thought was "I will get to see Grandmother soon". One of the last things that I told her was that we will all be in Heaven with her soon. I believe it. I long for it.
I was supposed to be leaving for Greenville, South Carolina this Wednesday for the FOCUS Children's Conference. I went last year and had a great time and I learned so much. This year I cannot bring myself to go. I am exhausted from all of the driving and riding... about 1200 miles this week. I have been fighting a sinus infection since the day of the funeral. I think at this point the infection is winning. But the main reason I can't go is Mom. I can't leave her right now. Even she will admit that she is still numb from the past 2 weeks. It has not hit her yet but I will be here when it does. She told me today that she has been having chest pains for over a week now. It is from the stress. Stress of losing her beloved Mother, stress of dealing with friends and family, stress of going on and moving forward.
Changing the subject, it is interesting to see the traits that death brings out in people. Some people must cope in quiet and solitude...I am one of these people. Some cope by being the life of the party even when it's not party time. Some cope by not dealing with reality at all. We all cope differently. The hard part is allowing someone to grieve without judging or taking it personally.
I am still learning to grieve. I am trying to learn to allow others to grieve as they need to too. It's harder than you would think.